From the First Love Letter

Tara sat in front of the bottom dresser drawer, notes, papers, letters, old envelopes scattered about her. She picked up an old telegram and read it with a smile. The date was August 26, 1953. It read: “My darling, the date represents our 7th anniversary and has special significance for many reasons. The fact we aren’t together for the occasion makes apparent the essential role you occupy. Fortunately, in five days you and the children will be here to fill this void. I love you darling.”

It seemed like only a short time ago when she received this. She had been visiting her mother while Jim found an apartment in the city for them to move into. Up to that time, they had hardly ever been separated. She remembered how they had hated it, being away from each other on their wedding anniversary.

She pulled an envelope out of a neat ribbon-tied bundle and opened it. The date, September 25, 1943. They had met only a month earlier. “My darling sweetheart. Having your nice letter waiting for me when I arrived was perfect. It was so very sweet that nothing would do but that I call you. As I told you on the phone and will repeat here, those few days with you were wonderful. First, being with you just set the whole thing off right. It was the little glow that set the fire to blaze. Do you know what it all meant to me? (And to you I hope!)”

“First let me say this, darling. You’ve known me really only a short time, but in the true sense it seems longer when one considers the confidence, we have placed n each other. When I try to look at myself in order to find reasons for the way I reacted, I am not disillusioning myself. In other words, I mean that if I seem to be more emotional in my letters and speak with too much frankness, as if I were presuming something that hasn’t come about yet, please don’t overlook it. It has all come about through many years of observing and experiencing many difficulties. All these things have given me a deeper insight and stronger desire to secure the things I want in life. Things that make toward happiness, perfect love and contentment. You see, darling, I am the type that, when he loves, loves deeply for fear those things which I am going to have will be taken away. In order to make sure it isn’t just infatuation, I want to be able to find companionship, to be able to find consolation in writing and talking to you, because if we can find this, then there is nothing more left for proving. If we seek each other merely for the sake of being with each other, that’s not enough, but I have confidence and truly believe that isn’t our case. I love you darling. I grant you, it’s small now, but if you’ve a vision, try to look out there to see just how far the thing can go.”

“Now if this is to be the case, let us not be desperately selfish with ourselves and forget everyone else. It is in contacts with others that we can expect to better our own selves. So, as you mentioned, let’s not neglect the opportunity to mix around. But in it all darling, please remember that if we find the true feeling of companionship and deepest love in each other, let’s not waste it all in some insignificant person we might meet. There are so many things I would like to express or tell you. I know you will be very busy in your college work, too, but here at the start let’s not neglect each other. Oh, I love you. Very impromptu, but I mean it!”

“Do all the things we talked about make it easier for you to know me? Honey, I intend for only one person to really know me. If you are the one, then prepare, for you’ve got a lot in store. Trust me to make it more on the good side than bad.”
“Goodnight sweetheart and promise to think of me each night just as you are drifting off to sleep, and I’ll do likewise. All my love darling, Jim.”

This was only one of many she received from Jim in the next three years. All saved in neat ribbon-tied bundles. While she finished college, he was sent overseas. But they saw each other enough to become engaged before he left. She at the ripe age of eighteen. He was twenty-two. She never had eyes for another after meeting Jim. How she loved him then, hardly old enough to know the meaning of love, but she did. After the War, he returned to finish college himself and their courtship continued until their marriage just twenty-five years ago. When she found a picture from their wedding day, Tara smiled as she remembered that day. They had both done a lot of growing up, and luckily had had six months to get reacquainted. She was sure he was shaking as she stood beside him at the church alter. He was so handsome and so happy. He loved her dearly and she certainly had no doubts that he was the one and only for her. The reception in her home afterwards was lovely and after a short interval of cutting the cake and the usual amenities, she escaped to change into her going away outfit. They left in her parent’s car because Jim hadn’t been able to afford to buy a car and rental cars were still hard to come by in those days. They were very excited as they waved goodbye and drove away for a weeklong honeymoon. Tin cans clanking as they raced off. They stopped just out of town while Jim removed them. When he reentered the car, he reached over and took her in his arms briefly, saying, “I never thought this day would come. Can I ever show you how very much I love you? I am so lucky, and you are the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Tara remembered the “til death do us part…” of the ceremony and held the picture closer, studying it in detail. Then, with a sigh, she gathered up the other pictures, letters, and papers and placed them neatly back into the drawer, all but the yellowed telegrams. She wondered why she had saved them all these years. Perhaps it would be a mistake to read more now. What had made her go to the drawer in the first place? Jim didn’t even know she had saved them. He would have scoffed at her for being so sentimental. Tara was sure he had none of her letters left at all. Then Tara opened her desk and got out some stationary and began writing.