Written under her name Edith Kokernot, probably after her divorce in 1971 and before 1978.
It was a gray December day, and the shops were crowded with Christmas shoppers. Salvation Army Santas were ringing their incessant bells. Susan stopped in front of one of the kettles, took a nickel out of her purse, then as if ashamed of such a small gift, she took out a quarter and dropped them both in. Her mother smiled approvingly and opened her own purse and put in two one-dollar bills. The Santa nodded and smiled and kept ringing, as if beckoning to the other Christmas shoppers to follow their example.
Susan and her mother were shopping for a special gift. They had only one name left on their gift list, Mrs. Sterner. What could they get for her? She was tired and wanted to go home, but she didn’t want to leave until they found the right present. Mrs. Sterner, who lived across the street, was a special family friend. Susan liked her so much. She invited Susan in for hot chocolate and cookies and always took time to visit. She was elderly, at least to Susan, but lively and understanding and she listened. And she loved to surprise Susan and her brother occasionally with a tin full of homemade chocolate chip cookies. She often gave them small gifts for special occasions, not practical gifts like socks or handkerchiefs, or underwear, but things to play with, like Silly Putty, a magic set, or trick chewing gum. Not long ago, for Susan’s birthday, she gave her a bag of money full of nickels, dimes, pennies and a few quarters. It amounted to $3.19. Susan had been thrilled. It was much more exciting than a check for $10 that Aunt Jane had sent. Her mother made her put it into her savings account at the bank.
Susan wanted to get Mrs. Sterner something special. Her mother didn’t know it, but Susan was also trying to think of something her mother would like. She was looking all the while though, so she would know what to get later when her mother wasn’t with her. Susan and her mother had looked in the large department store in the mall, but Susan wasn’t satisfied. She didn’t want to buy everyday things like scarves, soap, perfume, stationary or candy. What could it be? Mrs. Sterner had all those things and so did her mother.
They visited a bookstore, but Susan’s mother reminded her that Mrs. Sterner visited the library often and belonged to a book club as well. And Susan knew her mother well enough to know she, too, liked to choose her own books and besides, books were so expensive. Susan knew she didn’t have enough money to buy her mother a book, and she wanted to spend her own money.
Maybe I shouldn’t have given thirty cents to the Santa,” she thought. “I’ll never have enough to buy Mother a present.” Her legs hurt, and she was thirsty, and her mother was walking so fast. There were so many people. She knew they would not find anything, and she wanted to finish so she could go home.
“Susan, it is getting late. If we don’t find something soon, we’ll have to give up for today,” her mother said, noticing how tired Susan was.
“Look, Mother! Let’s go in this store,” Susan had stopped at a store window. Her mother had to come over to join her.
“No, Susan, this is a religious sort. I don’t think there will be anything here for Mrs. Sterner,” she said.
Religious books were on display, as were prayer books, Bibles and religious paintings of the Christ. Susan was fascinated by a picture of Jesus showing nails in his hands and feet on the cross, others dripping with blood from the wounds. She had never seen pictures like this before. Then there were others of saints and angels. Her mother didn’t want to go in, but Susan insisted. Under the glass counter she saw some beads and pulled her mother towards them.
“Look at these pretty beads,” she exclaimed. “What are they for? Look at the way they are uneven, not like a real necklace.”
“They are rosaries, Susan. The Roman Catholics use to help them remember their prayers.”
There were all kinds in the glass cabinet and Susan was fascinated.
“Why don’t we get Mrs. Sterner one of these?” she asked.
“I think she has one already, dear. You know she is Catholic.”
Susan was disappointed for she thought they were so pretty. The manager saw them and came over to offer his service.
“Good afternoon, ladies. What would you like to see?” he asked.
Susan’s mother said they were not going to purchase anything but only looking.
“Let me show you something very special,” he insisted, as they were about to leave. “This is a very special rosary, like none you have ever seen,” he said as he pulled out a little round box. When he opened it a scent of roses filled the air around them. He pulled out some small, brown beads and held them out for them to touch.
“Smell them,” he insisted. “They are made from rose petals by Carmelite nuns in Spain. I only have two left in the store.”
Susan and her mother both leaned over to smell and were surprised by the pungent odor they emitted. Susan cupped her hands around the rosary laying on the glass counter and smelled again. It was such a sweet smell, her mother had to take them from her to give them back to the man.
“Yes, they are lovely,” she agreed. “I never heard of making rosaries from roses,” she said to be polite.
He didn’t want them to leave and proceeded to tell them how they were made.
“The nuns collect rose petals from the convent gardens. It takes them a long time to make just one bead,” he said. He held one small bead of the rosary between his fingers. Then laid it down and picked up the small round box which had held the beads.
“Let me read something to you,” he insisted as Susan’s mother tried to leave. Susan didn’t budge. She was fascinated by these strange beads. Folded in the lid of the box was a thin piece of paper, with Spanish written on one side and English on the other. He picked up the paper, with the English version on his side, but Susan could see the Spanish “Rosario de Petalos de Rosa” on her side. She was learning Spanish in school in the second grade.
He started to read, “The Rose Petal Rosary. The rosary is a symbolic bunch of roses that the Christian offers to Mary, the mystic rose. What you have in your hands is a bunch of authentic roses converted into a fine and delicate rosary. It is a handmade jewel. By a special process these are made from hand rolled rose petals by the nuns. In the solitude and the silence of the Carmelite convents, the beads of this rose petal rosary have been linked together with filial love. This rose petal rosary is a fine example of monastic craft and a fine everlasting gift from Spain.” He stopped and looked at them in anticipation.
Susan’s mother politely said, “Isn’t that lovely, Susan?”
Susan answered enthusiastically, “It is! It is! Oh, Mother, I want to buy this for Mrs. Sterner. She will like it!”
Her mother looked down at Susan and picked up the beads saying, “Yes, I think you’re right. I think she would be very pleased with this gift. Shall we get it?”
Susan had to touch the delicate brown beads again and smell of them. She examined the simple wooden crucifix at the end of the loop. It was Jesus again, with the nails in his hands and feet and a crown of thorns on his head. Susan didn’t want to part with the beads, they felt so good in her hands and smelled so sweet, but she handed them to the man who offered to gift wrap the box.
“Yes, thank you,” Susan’s mother said, as she reached into her purse to pay for them. She had been surprised that they only cost $8.75. She had seen the price on the bottom of the box.
“That will be all?” he asked when he handed them the little gift package.
“Yes, thank you,” she said and took Susan’s hand and left.
“Oh mother, that is such a perfect gift for Mrs. Sterner. I can’t wait to give it to her,” Susan exclaimed.
“Yes, it is unusual. I know she will like it. If I were Catholic, I would love to have one, too. It is so symbolic.”
Suddenly, they were back in the crowds, and the rosary was forgotten as they made their way out of the shopping mall.
In the car Susan rubbed her nose and was surprised to still smell the rose scent of her fingers. She pushed her fingers against her mother’s nose and said, “Smell!”
Her mother laughed and said, “Yes, I noticed the scent was still on my hands, too. It is most unusual.”
When they arrived home, Susan carefully wrote Mrs. Sterner’s name on a small card and stuck it onto the gift with transparent tape, then placed it on her bookshelf. She was visualizing Mrs. Sterner’s surprise when she opened the gift when she heard her mother calling her to supper. On the way to the kitchen, she heard her mother talking, “Yes, we were so lucky. We found just the right gift for dear Mrs. Sterner. It is most unusual.” She was talking to Susan’s father, who had just arrived home.
“Hello, Daddy!” Susan bounded over to him for her usual hug.
“How’s my girl tonight?” he asked, and the three of them went in to eat.
Soon, Susan’s brother joined them, and she was busy telling him what they had bought for Mrs. Sterner. He seemed unimpressed, but she didn’t care. Brothers were like that. He had done no shopping at all, she knew. Her father would take him. Susan wished he’d take her, too.
Susan’s thoughts were now on the other present she had to buy. What was she going to get for her mother? Suddenly, she knew what she was going to get. The other rosary. Her mother had loved the one they bought for Mrs. Sterner. As though reading her thoughts, her father interrupted the pleasant silence of eating with, “Who would like to go to the mall with me tonight?”
John immediately responded, “Me! Me!”
Susan waved her hand excitedly, and said she wanted to go, too.
Her mother seemed surprised. “Why Susan, aren’t you too tired?” she asked. “I thought you were exhausted.”
“Susan, I thought you had finished your shopping,” her father said. He obviously had planned to take only John.
“Please let me go, Daddy. I have one more gift to buy,” as she looked shyly at her mother, who knew she meant her gift.
“Alright, run and get your coat on,” he said after they finished eating. “We’ll go.”
“But wait,” Susan remembered, “I don’t have enough money.”
She ran to her room and shook out all the money in her bank. She had exactly four dollars and thirteen cents. Then she opened her purse and counted, three dimes, two nickels and six pennies. That was all. Darn, why did she give that money to the Santa with the bell? “Let’s see, that makes forty-six cents,” she counted carefully. She had to write it down now, for the figures were too big, $4.13 + .46 = $4.59. Not enough to buy the rosary! But if she waited, it might be sold. What was she to do? She would just have to ask him to hold it for her until she could pay for it. She would give him all she had.
“Coming, Susan?” her father called. “We have to hurry. The shops close at nine.”
She ran out the door to the waiting car. She told her father she had to shop alone.
“Alright, John and I will be in the bookstore. Where are you going?”
“Just across the mall,” she said.
“Where?” he asked. He didn’t like leaving her alone in the Christmas crowd.
“Right over there,” she said. “It won’t take long.”
He watched her cross the mall and joined John back in the bookstore.
Susan entered the Mary Regina Religious Shop, staring again at the pictures of Jesus. The man was still behind the counter.
“Oh, it is the little shopper again. Is something wrong with the rosary?” he asked.
“No, no. I want to buy the other one for my mother, but I don’t have enough money. Please, can you save it for me. I’ll pay real soon,” she promised. “Here, I have $4.59, and I’ll pay the rest next week.”
She didn’t know how, but she knew she would. She would ask her mother to let her do odd jobs around the house, and maybe she would borrow from John, though he never had any money.
“Why, of course we can do that,” he smiled. “That is called ‘lay away’. Let’s see, with $4.59 down, you still owe $4.16 and with the tax, that will be twenty-five cents, the total you owe me is $4.41. Now what is your name?”
“May I touch it please,” she asked after the transaction was complete.
“Certainly, my dear.”
He took it out of the case for her, and she rubbed the beads on her cool young cheek. She scooped the beads up to her nose and took a deep breath. The scent was almost overpowering.
“Dear God and Jesus and Mary,” she said silently, “help me get the money to pay for this.”
She had squeezed her eyes shut while praying. The man looked at her quizzically. Embarrassed, she handed the beads back to him.
She skipped out of the shop and felt so happy. She passed another Salvation Army Santa and felt guilty that she didn’t have even one penny to give. She averted the face behind the kettle. Then she saw her father waiting at the bookstore. When he saw her, he seemed relieved, and together they went into the store to get John.
After John had bought his gift in the bookstore, they decided to walk on down to the department store. As Susan skipped along, she noticed something on the mall floor. It was crumpled but was green and looked strangely familiar. She reached down to examine it. Her father pulled her along and said, “Don’t pick things up off the floor!”
“But I think it’s something!” She jerked her hand out of his and went back to look. She unfolded it, and it was, of all things, a wrinkled dirty $5.00 bill. She looked around to see if anyone saw it. The crowds went on by. Her father was calling her in impatient tones. He didn’t see her stuff it into her coat pocket. She held it tightly in her fist. God and Mary and Jesus had answered her prayer. This would pay for the rosary. They had placed it there! A passing thought made her wonder if she should drop it into the Salvation Army kettle. They were passing another one, but she knew what she had to do.
“Oh, Daddy, I think I forgot something. I have to go back to the store I was in.”
“No, Susan, I don’t like to leave you on your own in this crowd.”
“Please Daddy. I have to go.”
“Alright, I will wait right here, but hurry!”
John had run over to play near a fountain.
“Don’t get wet,” his father called as Susan skipped out of sight.
When she reached the door, she saw the proprietor still behind the counter.
“What? Back again so soon?” he called.
She pulled out her fist and dropped the crumpled up five-dollar bill on the counter.
“Here is the rest,” she said.
“Well, so it is!”
He went to the back and brought out the rosary. He offered to wrap it, but she said she didn’t have time. Her father was waiting. She didn’t want him to come looking for her, for this was her secret. He rang up the cash register and counted out the change.
“Here you are, 59 cents in change.”
She grabbed the change in her hand and ran out the door to her waiting father. He was standing at the same spot looking at his watch. There was the bell ringer, still ringing the bell over the kettle. She gripped the 59 cents, all the money she had in the world. Now, she stopped, as though impelled to do so and dropped, coin by coin, 59 cents. Clunk, Clunk. Clunk.
“God Bless,” the Salvation Army Santa said.
“Thanks, Daddy,” Susan said as they walked on down the mall, her package securely in her other hand.
The next day she took Mrs. Sterner’s gift to her but warned her not to peek before Christmas. Mrs. Sterner took a gift off her tree and said, “This is for you, my dear. And do tell John I’ve something for him, too.”
Susan fingered the gift and wondered what it was.
“Oh, thank you! Yes, I’ll tell John to come. I’ll be back to visit, but I have to go home and wrap a present.” Then she turned, “I think you’ll like what my mother and I bought you!”
“I’m sure I will, dear,” Mrs. Sterner called after her.
Susan went home and asked her mother for gift paper and went in her room and closed the door to wrap her presents. The first to wrap was her mother’s gift, the rosary. She unscrewed the lid and again rubbed the smooth round beads on her cheek. Mmmmmm, she breathed, so sweet. Then she put them back in their case and wrapped the little gift.
When the big day came, the family was gathered round. Her father lit the candles and the flickering light cast beautiful shadows around the room.
“Let me be first,” Susan said, as the gifts were to be distributed. “Here Mother, open yours first.”
“Ah, I wanted to be first,” John said. He started to grab a gift but was admonished by his parents. “Just wait your turn, John. Let Mother open Susan’s first, then yours.”
Susan was so nervous her breath came in short gasps. It was hard for her to breathe. Why was she opening it so slowly? Susan had put too much tape on it. Finally, she got the little ribbon and tape off and she unfolded the paper around it. Her mother looked surprised as the familiar little round box came into view.
“Susan, you didn’t,” then she stopped. John and his father were about to say something as she unscrewed the box and pulled out the rosary. She gave them a warning look and said, “Oh Susan, isn’t it lovely. It’s the Rose Petal Rosary. But I thought you were giving this to Mrs. Sterner.”
“Oh Mother, this one is yours. I went back and bought it. I found five dollars and that made me have enough to buy it.”
The secret was out.
“Five dollars? Where did you find five dollars?”
Her father looked disapprovingly, as though he didn’t believe her.
“Yes, I did, and it’s mine, my money.”
“No, not if someone lost it,” he said. “You should have told me.”
Susan started to cry.
“Now, now, let’s not cry. I didn’t mean you had stolen it. But you should have tried to find out if anyone lost it.”
Then he realized, after she told him when she found it, that she couldn’t have found the owner.
“Well, we will just have to give $5 to the Salvation Army the next time we’re in the mall for whoever lost the money. Now, what is this gift?”
Susan and her mother explained to John and his father how the Rosary was made. Her mother seemed very pleased and hugged Susan.
“Thank you, Susan. This is the loveliest gift you could have given me, and I will always treasure it.”
As her mother hugged her, the rose scent smelled so sweet she felt faint, or was it because she was so happy to have given her mother such a special gift. It had been such a wonderful secret.
“Happy Hannukah, Mother. I love you.”
“Happy Hannukah, Susan.”
She carefully placed the Rosary back in the little box and tightened the lid.